When People Who Have No Experience with ADHD Give You Advice

Becoming a mother at 17 came with an unexpected side effect: unsolicited advice. Being a young mom sent out a beacon to anyone and everyone who thought I needed their guidance—especially those who were neither great parents nor remotely familiar with ADHD. At the time, I didn’t know much about ADHD myself, but I knew enough to recognize when someone was full of it.

The Early Years of "Expert" Advice

By the time my son was seven, he had figured out how to manipulate emotions to get his way. This led to heated arguments with family members, particularly the grandparents. He would exaggerate incidents or make false accusations just to get a reaction—and maybe a toy out of the deal. He wasn’t being malicious; he was seeking attention, dopamine, and reassurance, just in all the wrong ways. Every time we tried to explain his behavior, we were met with responses like, "That’s ridiculous! He would never do that!" and my personal favorite, "You’re a good parent… but you could do better." Oh, thanks. Super helpful.

Then came my daughter, who took a more direct approach—screaming. Loudly. Constantly. Any time she felt even a hint of emotional distress, she would scream and cry. The concerned onlookers, of course, had questions: "What’s wrong with her?" "Why is she screaming all the time?" "How do you stand it?" "Has a doctor checked this out?"

Honestly, the screaming didn’t bother me nearly as much as it bothered everyone else. She was emotional, picky, and strong-willed. Her reactions matched her feelings, and I knew that. But after hearing those comments daily, doubt crept in, and I took her to the doctor—only to be told it was just her temperament. She would outgrow the screaming phase as she learned to regulate her emotions. Shocking, right? Emotional regulation is a lot to ask from a three-year-old with ADHD.

Spoiler alert: She did grow out of it, and she’s now a happy, thriving kid. From that moment on, I stopped letting others scare me into thinking something was wrong with my children.

Five Ways to Gently Tell People to Back Off (Without Actually Saying "F*** Off")

1.      Keep Some Distance

If certain people constantly try to tell you negative things about your child while simultaneously offering advice on how to “fix” them, limit visits. This can negatively affect your child’s self-esteem, progress, and belief in themselves.

2.      Be Honest—Always

You don’t have to sugarcoat things, but you can still be respectful. If someone is being rude or intrusive, call it out. A simple, "I appreciate your concern, but I don’t want advice unless I ask for it," goes a long way.

3.      Keep Your ADHD Kids in the Loop

As much as we want to shield our kids from toxicity, they’ll still encounter it—often from family. Make sure they know they can talk to you about hurtful comments or unfair treatment. If they don’t feel comfortable visiting certain family members, respect that.

4.      Educate Those Who Are Willing to Listen

If someone insists on giving advice, see if they’re open to learning. Recommend a book, a YouTube video, or even a podcast on ADHD. It’s a trending topic—they might as well direct their energy in the right direction.

5.      Know When to Cut Contact

This is a last resort, but sometimes necessary. If someone becomes mentally or physically abusive, it’s time to cut ties. Even if the toxicity is less extreme, a temporary distance may still be beneficial, especially if they aren't respecting your boundaries.

Final Thoughts

Raising ADHD kids comes with unique challenges and hidden joys that outsiders don’t always see. The people giving you advice are not living your life, raising your children, or providing real support. Unsolicited advice—especially when you’re making progress—can make you feel like you’re back to square one, so feel free to not listen to it. Only you know what’s best for your family. Protect your peace, trust your instincts, and don’t take advice from people who have no idea what the hell they’re talking about.

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Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. While we strive to provide accurate and up-to-date content, this blog is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider regarding any medical concerns you or your child may have. Never disregard or delay seeking professional medical advice based on something you’ve read here. Your reliance on this information is solely at your discretion.