Is It ADHD or Just a Phase? Understanding the Signs in Kids

For the first several years of my son’s life, I thought I had it made. Jerry was the perfect child—easygoing, social, rarely threw tantrums, and had the patience of a tiny monk. I used to joke that he was our "Benjamin Button," born an old soul and slowly regressing into toddlerhood with age.

Of course, the unraveling didn’t happen overnight. It started subtly in kindergarten. His teacher was the first to wave the red flag, constantly mentioning how he couldn’t sit still and talked non-stop. He struggled to make friends and had his first run-in with a school bully. Jerry, ever the sweet soul, smiled through it and tried to ignore it all.

But by second grade, something shifted. Three years of bullying and negative feedback from teachers flipped a switch in him. He decided—consciously or not—that being himself wasn’t safe anymore. The boy who once lit up rooms with his energy became emotionally volatile, manipulative, and deeply reactive. He stopped telling the truth, bent grandparents to his will, and craved instant gratification wherever he could find it.

By the end of second grade, I felt like I didn’t recognize my child anymore.

The sweet, affectionate boy I once knew seemed lost in a sea of screaming matches, defiance, and lies. And, in true burned-out parent fashion, I had the audacity to blame him. I told myself, “I don’t act like this. I don’t teach this. So why is he like this?”

Then, when Jerry turned nine, everything came crashing down. We took everything he did personally—every outburst, every lie, every meltdown. Life felt like a daily battle. And then came the turning point:

We realized Jerry had ADHD. Not just any ADHD—undiagnosed, unmanaged, inherited-from-his-father ADHD that had been slowly spiraling out of control.

All of those coping mechanisms—manipulation, lying, acting out—were his way of surviving school, bullies... and yes, even me. All the constant corrections, yelling, accusations, mistrust—I had accidentally become part of the problem. I was reinforcing the very beliefs that were tearing him apart inside.

He learned to protect himself by shutting down the version of himself that was vulnerable and open. That version of Jerry didn’t feel safe anymore. And once the symptoms and coping mechanisms took over, they became his identity. No one trusted him. So why should he trust himself?

Fast forward to today—Jerry is 15, and our relationship is so much better. What changed? We stopped fighting the symptoms and started learning about them. I stopped blaming and started understanding.

ADHD Symptoms in Boys:

Hyperactivity & Impulsivity

• Constant movement (fidgeting, running, tapping)

• Excessive talking or interrupting

·         Acts without thinking (impulsive decisions, blurting out)

• Risk-taking behavior or frequent accidents

• Inability to play quietly

·         Leaves seat when expected to stay seated (e.g., at school or dinner)

Inattention

• Easily distracted

• Trouble following instructions

• Appears not to listen

• Frequently loses things

• Struggles to stay organized

• Avoids homework or mentally demanding tasks

  
  

And then... there’s my daughter.

Harper came into this world screaming and didn’t stop for three years. A chaos goblin with curls and determination. Unlike Jerry, who faded into ADHD symptoms over time, she roared onto the scene and claimed her throne.

She didn’t want anyone but me. She was overstimulated by everything—loud noises, textures, transitions, siblings breathing near her. But she was little, so of course I chalked it up to "toddlerhood."

Turns out it was emotional dysregulation. She was constantly overloaded, and when she was, she needed a bath, a dark room, and some alone time with her stuffed animal army.

If things weren’t chaotic, she’d create chaos. That was her normal. Yet, she hated having dirty hands. (Sensory overload is a paradox, apparently.) And heaven help us if Jerry annoyed her—she’d go full WWE before anyone could intervene.

As Harper got older, I noticed how much she lived in her own world. She loved her organized chaos. To me, her room looked like a creative crime scene. But to her, everything had a system. It made her feel calm.

She hyperfocused on her latest obsessions, collected trinkets like a crow, and doodled like her life depended on it. She’d listen to the same song 47 times in a row while avoiding chores like it was her job. (It was not. Sadly.)

I didn’t think Harper had ADHD at first because she was nothing like Jerry. She wasn’t disruptive. She could manage conflict better. But looking back, I now see how much she learned by watching Jerry—and how much I learned from both of them.

They were completely different kids. But they got each other. They gave each other grace when no one else did. The world saw “bad behavior.” They saw each other’s struggles. It was messy, beautiful, and healing in ways I didn’t expect.

 ADHD in Girls:

Inattention

• Daydreaming, "in her own world"

• Trouble finishing tasks, forgetfulness

• Loses belongings frequently

• Struggles with time management

• Avoids mentally demanding tasks

  
  

Emotional & Social Signs

• Easily overwhelmed or anxious

• Low self-esteem or overly self-critical

• Sensitive to criticism

• Tries to mask symptoms with perfectionism or people-pleasing

• Very talkative in social settings

It’s Not Just a Phase

The biggest change didn’t come from medication or therapy (though both helped). It came from understanding. ADHD symptoms became manageable when we all took the time to learn what they were and how they showed up uniquely in each of us.

I had to accept that my kids weren’t broken. They were different. And that difference wasn’t something to fix—it was something to understand.

So if you’re wondering whether your child’s behavior is “just a phase” or something more, pay attention to the patterns. Educate yourself. Talk to teachers. Speak with a pediatrician or licensed psychologist.

Because once you see it clearly, it’s not about blame anymore. It’s about support.

And support makes all the difference.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. While we strive to provide accurate and up-to-date content, this blog is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider regarding any medical concerns or conditions you or your child may have. Never disregard or delay seeking professional medical advice based on something you have read in this blog. Reliance on any information provided here is solely of your own free will.