Raising a Child with ADHD or Autism: Getting the Right Support When Access Is Limited

Parenting a child with ADHD or autism often reveals a difficult reality: awareness alone does not guarantee access to timely or effective care.

I always knew my son had ADHD. Not because of a checklist or a late-night internet spiral, but because I lived with him, and his dad has ADHD. The signs were there early, but unfortunately, early signs don’t equal early support.

The Long Road to an ADHD Diagnosis

For years, we were told the same thing: “He’s too young to test.”

So we waited. And waited. And waited some more.

By the time my son finally received a formal ADHD diagnosis, he was 12 years old and already struggling under the weight of expectations he couldn’t meet. The solution we were given was generic counseling sessions and an Adderall prescription, pushed quickly and confidently.

From the school’s perspective, it worked. His symptoms became less noticeable in class, and he stayed out of trouble. This solved all their concerns regarding my son's academic performance.

Problem solved… right?

At home, nothing felt solved.

He still struggled with emotional regulation, executive functioning, and daily overwhelm. On top of that, the medication introduced new challenges, including mood swings and a rapid weight loss of 10 pounds in just four weeks.

He hated taking it too. His friends told him the medication was being used to control him, not help him. So, he took it on and off, which made his symptoms worse.

As parents, we did what we were supposed to do. We relied on professional psychologists, social workers, and counselors for guidance.

Their advice? Try another medication. Keep coming to sessions. Talk about your feelings.

What they didn’t provide were practical tools. No explanation of how his ADHD brain worked. No strategies tailored to him. Just well-meaning nods and relatable comments that didn’t translate into real-life support.

Eventually, I became that parent.

I asked the school. I asked his doctor. I asked for an ADHD specialist. I got redirected. Delayed. Passed around.

And then, because ADHD parenting loves a plot twist, my daughter began showing signs and symptoms.

Her doctor knew immediately that she had ADHD after interacting with her, but a formal diagnosis required a specialist. And yes, medication was recommended again.

Months later, we finally received a referral.....to a small town in Minnesota. I live in Hawaii.

Insurance wasn’t covering that kind of travel, so we requested another referral, only to learn that there are very limited ADHD specialists on the island, with waitlists stretching up to a year.

At this point, many parents ask, “Why even bother getting them tested then?” Because understanding their ADHD matters. Knowing their specific type matters. Access to accommodations, resources, and self-awareness as they grow older matters.

Our kids are navigating a neurotypical world with neurodivergent brains. They deserve more than survival tools. They deserve understanding and knowledge to help them embrace their differences.

The ADHD and Autism Care System Is Broken

Here’s the truth no one says out loud: the system is broken.

Getting help for ADHD or autism often requires contacting multiple providers who don’t have answers. When the system runs out of options, it defaults to its failsafe…medication.

Medication can be helpful for some children, but it is not a complete solution, and it should never be the only one.

According to the CDC:

• ADHD affects 1 in 5 children

• Autism affects 1 in 31 children

Those numbers have increased dramatically over the last two decades, and the medical system has not kept pace.

What Parents Can Do While Waiting for ADHD or Autism Support

If you’re stuck waiting for referrals, testing, or specialists, you’re not powerless. Here are five steps you can take right now while you wait.

1. Educate Yourself About ADHD and Autism

Understanding neurodivergence changes how you parent. It replaces frustration with clarity and helps you support your child intentionally, not reactively.

2. Evaluate Family Habits and Routines

Sleep, nutrition, stress, and structure matter more than most people realize. Unhealthy habits can quietly intensify ADHD and autism symptoms.

3. Build Systems That Support Executive Function

Visual schedules, routines, and predictable systems create safety and reduce overwhelm. Systems also teach kids how to care for themselves over the long-term.

4. Explore Parenting Groups and ADHD Support Communities

Online specialists, parent coaching, and support groups often provide practical strategies faster than traditional routes.

5. Get Outside More (Yes, It Matters)

Less screen time. More movement. Fresh air. Sunlight. Nature does things that no app or therapy worksheet ever will.

6. Bonus Tip: Consider Getting Yourself Tested

ADHD and autism are often genetic. Many parents discover very late that they weren’t “bad at adulting.” They were undiagnosed.

Advocate relentlessly. Ask uncomfortable questions. Push for better care. And while the system struggles to catch up, give your child something even more powerful than a diagnosis: understanding, support, and a parent who refuses to give up.

If this resonated with you, share it with another parent navigating ADHD or autism. Follow along for practical parenting strategies, real-world tools, and honest conversations about raising neurodivergent kids in a world that wasn’t built for them.

You are not alone, and neither is your child.

Disclaimer

This content is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as medical or psychological advice. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals regarding diagnosis, treatment, or medical decisions for you or your child.