Understanding Autism: Why People Are Afraid and How We Can Respond with Compassion

Autism is more common than many realize, affecting 1 in every 31 children in the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control. Yet, despite its prevalence, misconceptions and fear still surround autistic children. I learned this firsthand during a summer outing with my 3-year-old autistic niece, Lucy, in Oahu, Hawaii.

A Lesson at the Goat Farm

Lucy loves animals and exploring new places, so a local goat farm seemed perfect. She eagerly approached other children, curious about their hair and clothing. One little girl had a cute ponytail, and Lucy gently reached out to touch it.

Instead of curiosity or encouragement, the child’s mother instinctively blocked Lucy and pushed her away. The baby didn’t seem upset; she tried to continue interacting. But Lucy immediately noticed the adult’s reaction and withdrew.

The encounter left me uneasy. Why was a gentle, inquisitive child being met with fear instead of understanding?

The Splash Pad Experience

Later, at our neighborhood splash pad, Lucy attempted to approach another toddler while excitedly waving her hands (a common stim in autistic children). When she reached to touch a bow on the child’s shirt, the parents quickly removed her hand. Again, Lucy sensed that she wasn’t welcome and backed away. Interestingly, the other child continued trying to interact, showing that the fear came from adults—not from the children themselves.

Watching Lucy navigate these moments reminds me of my own son, who, as a toddler, would hug every child he saw without hesitation. No one batted an eye. Lucy, however, faced immediate rejection. It was a stark reminder of how society’s misunderstanding of autism can limit opportunities for connection and learning for autistic children.

Why People Are Afraid of Autism

Autism can manifest in ways that are unfamiliar to many: non-verbal communication, sensory sensitivities, repetitive movements, or an intense focus on interests. For uneducated observers, these differences can be mistaken for misbehavior or unpredictability. This fear often stems from a lack of exposure and education, not from the child themselves.

While it is true that some children with autism may show aggressive behaviors in specific contexts, some are curious, gentle, and eager to interact when given a safe, understanding environment.

How to Interact with Children with Autism

Parents and caregivers are often highly skilled at setting boundaries and maintaining safety. Still, a broader community understanding is essential for autistic children to learn social skills naturally. Here are some practical tips to keep in mind the next time you interact with an autistic child:

1. Respect Their Communication Style

• Some children are non-verbal or use alternative forms of communication, like gestures or devices.

• Be patient and allow extra time for responses.

  
  

2. Use Clear and Simple Language

• Short, direct sentences help prevent confusion.

• Avoid sarcasm, idioms, or metaphors unless you know the child understands them.

  
  

3. Follow Their Lead in Play

• Join in their interests and allow them to explore their curiosity.

• Don’t restrict interaction out of fear; children learn through experimentation.

  
  

4. Be Mindful of Sensory Sensitivities

• Bright lights, loud noises, or crowded spaces can overwhelm them.

• Offer quiet spaces or lower-stimulation environments when possible.

  
  

5. Watch for Nonverbal Cues

• Facial expressions, body language, and hand gestures often communicate feelings.

• Respect cues that indicate the child needs space.

  
  

6. Encourage Social Interaction Safely

• Allow them to approach others gently.

• Intervene only when necessary for safety, not out of fear.

  
  

7. Celebrate Their Strengths

• Many children with autism show remarkable focus, creativity, and honesty.

• Build on their interests and abilities rather than emphasizing limitations.

Moving Toward Empathy and Understanding

Children learn about the world through interaction, trial, and connection. By reacting with fear instead of compassion, we may unintentionally teach autistic children to withdraw and avoid social engagement. Instead, let’s embrace patience, understanding, and education. The more we learn about autism, the more inclusive and supportive our communities become.

If you’re curious about autism, start with reputable resources such as the CDC, Autism Speaks, or local support groups. Educate yourself, observe with empathy, and remember autistic children are not a threat; they are learners navigating a world that sometimes misunderstands them.

Disclaimer: This article is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical, developmental, or psychological advice. Parents and caregivers should consult licensed professionals for guidance specific to their child’s needs.