33 Lessons From 33 Years: What My ADHD Family Has Taught Me

I turned 33 recently. Normally, birthdays don’t stir much reflection for me; I don’t sit and count the candles or worry about getting older. But this past year was different. It was a whirlwind of challenges, growth, and “aha” moments that forced me to look back on the life I’ve built with my ADHD family.

For a while, I fell behind in life. I wasn’t checking the boxes fast enough. But then I stopped myself. Instead of measuring what I hadn’t done, I asked: What have I already learned?

And the truth is, I’ve learned a lot.

So, in honor of my 33rd birthday, here are 33 lessons from 18 years of living, loving, and parenting in an ADHD household. I hope that this list saves you some time, energy, and maybe a few tears, because these are lessons I had to learn the long (and often messy) way.

Relationships and ADHD

1. The obsession phase will end. At the start of a relationship, you’ll feel like their entire world. They’ll shower you with all their energy and affection. Over time, this fades, which is normal. Don’t mistake it for lack of love; it’s simply a shift in focus.

2. Learn about your partner’s ADHD early. My lack of knowledge caused unnecessary conflict in my marriage. The sooner you understand ADHD, the smoother everything becomes for you and your partner.

3. It’s not personal, it’s ADHD. Forgetfulness, distraction, hyperfocus can feel personal, but they’re not.

4. Time management keeps connections alive. Date nights and quality time don’t happen by accident. They require planning when ADHD is involved.

5. Sometimes, you’ll play referee. ADHD can shorten tempers, so be ready to step in with calm reasonableness.

6. Don’t put them on the spot. My husband hates being made the center of attention; it often feels overwhelming.

Parenting with ADHD in the Family

7. Save your child’s teacher, principal, and counselor’s numbers. You’ll likely need them often, especially if your child has impulsive tendencies.

8. Match the time to the crime. Over-punishing only backfires. Discipline should be fair and consistent.

9. Focus on what they do right. Positive reinforcement works far better than constant correction.

10. Empathy can be risky. Kids with ADHD often have huge hearts. Teach them to set boundaries so they don’t get taken advantage of.

11. Lying can be self-protection. Understand why it’s happening before reacting.

12. Don’t be a hypocrite. Model the behavior you expect. Kids see right through “do as I say, not as I do.”

13. ADHD is not a handicap. If you frame it as a weakness, your child may lean into excuses instead of growth.

14. Limit screen time strategically. We allow video games only on weekends, with limits. I also monitor what they consume because media can influence their behaviors, values, and beliefs.

15. Watch for mirroring. ADHD kids often imitate peers to fit in. Pay attention to their circles.

16. Schedule family time. Don’t let life pass you by; set aside a day each week for memory-making.

17. Break tasks into smaller steps. “Clean your room” feels overwhelming. “Pick up the clothes

first” feels doable.

18. Hug and kiss your ADHD fam often. Love and reassurance bring out the best in everyone.

Systems That Save Sanity

19. Build household systems. Whiteboards, totes, budgets, anything that cuts down on chaos is worth the effort.

20. Don’t interrupt hyperfocus (unless you must). That laser concentration may be frustrating, but it’s often when they’re most productive.

21. Outsource decisions. Prefilled planners, meal kits, and takeout nights can reduce decision fatigue.

22. Walking is magic. Bad moods, hyperactivity, and arguments can be neutralized after 10 minutes of walking.

23. Give them chores they like or at least don’t mind. No one thrives when forced into tasks they despise.

24. To encourage learning, make it interesting. Colorful pens, apps, gadgets—engagement is key.

25. Don’t pile on pressure. Allow them ownership in their growth. Listen to their worries, interests, and ideas.

Health, Food, and Daily Habits

26. ADHD often comes with friends. Autism, hypermobility, dyslexia, and insomnia, so it’s worth exploring coexisting conditions and seeking treatment.

27. Read food labels. Certain ingredients can increase ADHD symptoms, such as wheat, dyes, and sugar.

28. Protein and healthy fats are MVPs. They stabilize mood, improve focus, and help with sleep.

29. A well-hydrated brain is a calmer, clearer brain. Whether it’s Stanley cups, water bottles, or cups left around the house, keep water flowing.

30. Auditory processing disorder is real. Sometimes words sound like a jumbled mess. Be patient and clarify.

31. Melatonin isn’t always safe. It can negatively affect puberty—be cautious.

32. Medications can leach magnesium. If your spouse or child takes stimulants, consider supplementing with magnesium glycinate.

33. Coffee can sometimes help. Caffeine can slow racing thoughts, improve focus, and even make one sleepy.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in 33 years, it’s this: life with ADHD is not linear, it’s creative, unpredictable, frustrating, and insightful all at once.

It’s taken me years to piece these lessons together, but you don’t have to wait that long. Whether you’re raising children with ADHD, supporting a partner, or simply working to bring more structure to your home, remember this: ADHD isn’t the end of order or peace—it’s an opportunity to approach life differently.

With the right tools, patience, and understanding, your family can thrive. Start with one or two lessons that speak to you most, try them out, and build from there. Small, consistent steps add up to big changes over time.

If this list helps you, save it to come back to on the hard days, or share it with someone else who might need encouragement.

Here’s to growth, patience, and the continuation of learning, no matter how many candles are on the cake.